"Why on Earth would you do that?" or "What prompted you to do this?
This is a question that I often got from people in Omaha when I told them of my plans to quit my jobs, sell everything I owned except for what would fit on the motorcycle, and then hit the road for destinations unknown and time unknown. Fact is, we still get it from people we encounter on the road.
Me, Juan Mario, Chris at Puente Centenario, near Panama City, Panama
And it is, indeed, a very good question. Unfortunately it also is not a very easy one to answer. Certainly not in a short, concise, easy quip that can be thrown out on demand.
All I can do is try to explain my own point of view and why I, Mark Brandl, chose to do this trip, in this way, at this point in my life. What strange, crazy, weird path has led me to where I am now... This is that story, such as it is.
Spring 2002 to Winter 2003 (around Christmas) or so...
So, let's start at the beginning. I was born July 7th, 1969 in Robbinsdale, Minnesota......
No seriously, the beginning of how I ended up on this whole crazy motorcycle trip thing.
Spring (April) 2002 to August 2002
In about the Spring of 2002, my wife at the time was about to graduate from college with her degree in Biology and was looking into attending PhD school for microbiology. Nearly all of the schools had fall intakes, meaning that new students began their studies in the Fall, which is pretty much standard university practice here in the United States. For that reason, she had decided to take the GRE that Spring, then get prepared to enter graduate school in the Fall of 2003, which was about 1 1/2 years away, and that was what I mentally prepared myself for as well.
Then the woman she was interning for at the University of Nebraska Medical Center laboratory had a guest come by, the man who had been the former head of the genetic research program at UNMC, Dr. Richard Finnell. Well, my ex-wife was continuing to work on research Dr. Finnell had started there, and so he was interested in speaking to her about the project, what she thought about it, what progress she had made, etc. Shortly thereafter he returned to Houston, TX, where he was/is director of the
Texas A&M Institute of Biosciences & Technology.
A little while later, she receives an email from Dr. Finnell detailing their work down in Houston, how nice the facilities are, how large the budget is, etc. So she goes to her boss and asks, "Why is he sending me this?" to which her boss replies, "It's because he's recruiting you to study for your PhD in his lab." Needless to say, this was interesting, and exciting, primarily because he is very well respected in the microbiology/biotechnology research community, and also because Texas A&M's admissions were "rolling", which meant that they took in new students all the time, Spring, Summer, Fall, whenever. As a result, we thought it'd be a good idea to at least go down there so she could meet him, see the facility, and thereby get a good enough feel for the place to decide if it would be a good fit for her or not.
It was.
The program was interesting, facilities were indeed fantastic, Dr. Finnell and his wife were very nice and accommodating, even taking all of us (me, my friend Dave Engler, and Kerry) out to dinner at a nice Mexican restaurant and showing us his condo home with a beautiful view of nearby downtown Houston. We were sold!
As a result of this good trip, she decided that she wanted to study there, and made the necessary preparations: she took the GRE and did well, got her transcripts sent, application turned in, etc., and was accepted to begin study in the Fall. Uh oh, problem for me...
What the hell am I going to do? I was still taking classes at the University of Nebraska, Omaha toward a Master of Science in Management Information Systems. An unfortunate downside to master's level classes are that those credits are not transferable to other universities, should you want to switch. And I had less than a year's worth of classes to finish. Only 3 remained to take before I'd receive my degree. So I was faced with the prospect of throwing away nearly 3 years of classes to move down to Houston in August 2002, or stay in Omaha, NE on my own till those classes were done, getting my degree, and then moving. I hate(d) throwing away invested time and money, so I reluctantly made the decision to stay, with the dogs, in Omaha until I finished my program. At least that was my justification for staying in Omaha while my mind worked on what would be the best course of action for me to pursue in this whole situation.
August 2002 to August 2003
In late August of 2002, Chris and his then girlfriend Melissa, and I moved Kerry down to Houston with the bulk of our possessions. I pretty much kept only a couple of La-Z-Boy chairs, a bedroom set, fridge, TV, microwave, computer, washer/dryer, and a couple of bookshelves, along with a desk and chair to work from. This was, in a very big way, the beginning of the "downsized" lifestyle and a strong precursor of future downsizing to come.
Well wouldn't you know that life never works out quite as well as you'd like, and didn't in this case either. Turns out that only 1 of the 3 classes I needed to finish my master's degree was offered in the fall of 2002, but another was similar, so I tried that. Unfortunately, it was from the Computer Science department, and involved a WHOLE lot of programming, calculus, and other stuff that I'd pretty much forgotten. As a result of dropping that class, I ended up only getting 1 of the 3 classes done in the Fall of '02. Spring came, and unfortunately once again only 1 of the 2 classes I needed were available, so I took it, plus another generic class that I thought I'd enjoy, leaving me with just one left, that wasn't available until the first full summer session, in June of 2003.
Unbelievably, I almost forgot to register for that class, but a good friend of mine from the MIS program, Naveen Sattaru (from India), thought that I might forget and registered himself so that one of the 5 seats in the class would be reserved for me, then he dropped the class so that I could take it. What an unbelievably nice gesture, one that I very much appreciated, and still do!
With the academic side of my life now pretty much sorted, I was left to consider the working side and how to close it down, before moving on to Texas.
I'd been doing "witness loan closings" as pretty much my main source of income since April of 1997. This essentially means that I was the person who brought your mortgage / real estate papers to you or you came to me, and I explained what they all meant, witnessed your signature, then I notarized the papers and returned them to the title agency for filing. For this I received anywhere from $45 to $175 on average, depending mostly on time of day (more for an evening closing on a Friday) and distance (more for a closing 200 miles away, than for one in town). I enjoyed doing this work primarily because it involved me being out of an office, allowed me to drive around and get to know the city real well, and most of all afforded me the opportunity to meet lots and lots of really interesting people, which really was the highlight of the work. That and if the transaction involved people buying a new home, they were usually very excited about it, and I enjoyed being a part of that process.
The other side to my work, the title work, was done by title companies and because I worked so closely with them, I was familiar with that side of the business as well. The title insurance business is essentially a "cash cow" because although the agency is "insuring the state of the title", enough steps are taken to guarantee that title that claims are very, very rarely ever paid out, yet title insurance is required every single time a transaction takes place that COULD affect the title to the property. What does all this mean? Essentially that the title insurance business is a good one to be in, especially in a low interest rate environment with everybody out refinancing their homes, or buying new ones, all at the same time. See the summer of 2003 as a good example of the "boom time" that a title company can enjoy.
I thought I knew enough about that business to be able to start a small title agency of my own, and with my connections to various mortgage lenders, I would have plenty of business to keep myself afloat and allow things to grow slowly.
With that background, in January of 2003, I started looking into what would be required of me to start this type of business and took the required examinations, got licensed and bonded, and started looking into finding an insurance company whose policies I could sell. All of this took several months, essentially till about August 2003 before it was definitively resolved, and the whole time I was never really sure it was something that I was going to pursue because it would mean keeping me in Omaha while my wife was still in Houston, TX and would be for several more years. This was a problem for me, but nothing that I wanted or needed to confront just yet...
First, let me go back to the school and personal side of things...
In January 2003, I also started in earnest on a diet and exercise program that since about May of 2002 had been just an exercise program. Over the next several months that plan worked perfectly, I was in great physical condition, felt sharp as a tack mentally, had tons of energy, and just overall felt great about life. To anyone reading this, I cannot stress strongly enough that you SHOULD by all means combine diet and exercise to get optimal results. Every day I'd hear from people, and still do, "Oh I have no energy, I'm tired all the time, I'm fat, etc., etc." and it's true. Sadly, they can, I can, and you also can change this. You don't have to eat perfectly, I always allowed myself a "treat" in the form of a Blizzard from Dairy Queen once or twice a week, particularly during the hot summer months in Nebraska. It's nice to give yourself a little reward for all the hard work you're doing the rest of the time. The key, for me at least, was a 38-45 minutes of good cardiovascular work on my recumbent, magnetic resistance exercise bike in the mornings every other day, then an hour of weight work every other day, with a liberal sprinkling of exercise the rest of the time, such as walking the dogs at a vigorous pace (4mph or so) in the evenings, yard work such as mowing the lawn, raking, shoveling snow, vacuuming the house, etc. Tally up all the calories you burn doing that stuff and you'd be amazed! Combine it with a lean, lower calorie (not outrageously low, just lower) diet, and "BAM!" The mathematics work (less calories in/more calories out) and you drop the fat. It's not magic, it's math!
Okay, back to the school situation. I finished my Master of Science in Management Information Systems class work in June of 2003, then arranged to take my "comps", or the required comprehensive examination, without a passing grade in which you do NOT receive your diploma. Again, I hate wasting time or money or energy, so I prepared as thoroughly as possible for the comps, all the while trying to finish paperwork for a new business, and continue to do closing work for several different mortgage and title companies.
I passed the comprehensive exam, as I'd hoped, and that meant that in early August 2003, I received my diploma. Yea! One less thing to worry about.
At this point, things were going pretty swimmingly, I had a good amount of business from closings, as well as some "on the side" computer consulting work, so money was good, I was seeing good progress made on the start of my hopefully new business, which had generated interest from others in the title industry who hoped to start their own firm, but who were instead interested in working with me when they found out I was looking into a new business also, and finally I had just completed nearly 4 years of work toward a "master's degree", and best of all was in about the best physical and mental shape of my life, and all this felt pretty damn good. I was content, excited about the future, but yet....not totally happy that all this was going on without my wife of almost 7 years. And worse yet that she wasn't really being consulted in any of these decisions either. I can't say I intentionally left her out of these things; that is to do them intentionally without consulting her, or intentionally to hurt her in any way, but it was more a "path of least resistance" mode of living. Things were just easier if I didn't tell her outright, "Hey, I'm kind of moving down a road toward starting a new business and if it goes as planned we're just going to have to learn to live apart for a few more months/years until you've got your PhD, and have got a job wherever it is you're going to work and we can then finalize all that at that very remote future date."
Really, that was a huge part of the difficulty that was about to ensue, and I realized it at the time, but just continued to move forward with my preparations, primarily because I also knew that it was entirely possible I wouldn't be approved by an insurer, in which case all of those preparations would be for naught, so why go about causing a confrontation over an issue that hadn't yet become an issue.
Now, you could ask me, and would be right in doing so, "Why would you go about planning a life essentially apart from your wife, when this would OBVIOUSLY cause problems between you and her if it came to pass, etc., etc., etc.?" A good question, and again, one that I don't have a really good answer for. All I can say is the following was my rationale to myself at the time:
A) She was involved in a PhD program in Houston, TX, but this was unlikely to be her FINAL place of residence, since nearly all PhD graduates continue on to do some sort of "post graduate" work in another locale, oftentimes for short periods such as 6 months or so, in another city, possibly in the Northeast (Boston, New Jersey, New York) or the West Coast (San Diego, Los Angeles, San Francisco), or some other area. Then, after the post graduate work, PhDs often do this again one or two more times before finally finding permanent employment, again oftentimes in some other, new location. I/we had no idea where she'd end up at the end of the day.
B) This educational / work development process would / could take several years and wouldn't be conducive to my "career development" if I moved to Houston, TX and started a career there, because just as I would be starting up a good head of steam with an organization, or even my own business, she'd be moving onto post graduate studies in one of the aforementioned, non-Texas areas and I'd be forced to drop / suspend my own career to move with her, then move again when she got her "final" post-study job, wherever that might have been.
As a result of those 2 things, I thought, "Shoot, why don't I continue to do what I do best, in a hot market where I've got connections and the ability to do something that could sustain us both, and possibly give me something I could sell when she finishes school and is ready to settle down somewhere, all the while providing a good income for the both of us, paying off debt, building savings, and getting us ready for that new life in a few years time."
Don't know if that was solid reasoning or not, but that was my reasoning at the time. Plus keep in mind that, in general, I tend to follow the stream that flows smoothest, and it was just easier to continue doing what I had been doing than to uproot myself and follow her to Texas and a what was certainly an uncertain future there. Lazy, path of least resistance method of operation, I know, but that's where I was.
August 2003: The bombs drop!!!!
I've got to admit that it's weird detailing all of this personal information, then putting it up where anyone and everyone can view it, but hey, to understand where I am now, you need to understand where I was then...so in that vein, come along with me, my dear reader, as I reveal the inner workings of my life and mind...such as it was / is.
Okay, finally in August, 2003, I've gotten all the business preparations pretty well sorted, got potential employees lined up, a very, very nice and realistic business plan prepared and applications out to a couple of insurers for approval. I've been working out like a madman, "Looking good and feeling good." Still have good income from closings and computer consulting. Things couldn't have been better, really. Then....
Bomb #1
Then, one day, probably the 20th or so of August, 2003, I get a call from my contact "Tom" from one of the insurers (who in the meantime acquired the 2nd) who tells me, "Sorry dude, you've been declined, NO APPEAL AVAILABLE!!!" I'm dumbstruck! Can't speak, am pissed off, very, very angry, sad, and just about every other emotion you can think of. "Why, I don't understand, everything was perfect, there was no indication of this, etc., etc., etc." He agreed and basically told me that they didn't want to take any further risks on start up agencies in and around the Eastern Nebraska market. Especially because I had experienced financial difficulties 2 years earlier when I dropped one of my main mortgage broker clients for engaging in extremely improper / illegal / unethical conduct. I told Tom, "Look I understand their concerns, I really do, but it is UNBELIEVABLE to me that they would punish me for me doing the right thing. I dropped those guys, and lost a lot of income as a result, because they were bad people, essentially conning unsuspecting homeowners out of up to 10% of their hard earned equity in their homes and I just couldn't be a party to that!!! So yes, I lost a major client and because of that income and that made it hard for me to pay some bills on time, but really, I DID THE RIGHT THING!!!" He completely agreed with me, but told me there was no appeal, the decision was made and that was that.
Wow, I think I drank a lot that night, but I honestly don't remember.
Bomb one had been dropped onto my nicely constructed little castle of a life, I had some crumbling walls, but things still didn't seem too bad. At this point, I mentally said, "Fuck it! Absolutely no reason to stay in Omaha now, without the possibility of building a fairly successful business, might as well just go to Texas and try to build something there." I'd just finished school, had already sold a whole pile of possessions to streamline my life and get ready for this possibility anyway, so I might as well follow it through.
I spoke to Kerry, told her about that, and that I was planning on selling the rest of the junk in Omaha over the next month or two, and then heading down. I suddenly felt very calm and content with this turn of events, she seemed excited about them, and all seemed well again.
Bomb #2
I honestly don't remember the date, but it was a Thursday in early September 2003, I think, and I was driving to Hamburg, IA to close a loan for a woman who worked in the hospital there. Driving my nice 2000 Honda Accord (V6, leather, sunroof, good suspension, tires, etc.) the 50 miles or so was a good way to spend the evening, and I was thinking about the few things I had left to do to move to Texas. I was coming to grips with that, felt mentally prepared for it, and felt good about where I was in life again.
The phone rings, it's Kerry. "Hey, what's up?", I ask. "Well, I need to talk to you about something", she says. "Okay, shoot.", I respond.
"Well, I've been thinking that I don't want you to move to Texas, and I don't think we should be married anymore.", or something to that effect, was her statement.
For the second time in less than a month, I'm dumbstruck, pretty much speechless, and my mind is racing. "Really?", I think, "You've got to be fucking kidding me."
I don't even remember what I said, but I remember being fairly calm, reasonable even, because I just wanted to get her off the phone. I needed to think, to absorb this "bombshell".
Now, I can't say I never thought this could happen, because I had. I distinctly remember thinking, about a year prior when we moved her to Houston, "You know, she's never lived on her own before, never been self-reliant to such a high degree before, never been quite so 'free' before, this could all end quite badly." I think I answered myself with an, "I know." and left it at that. And when she had come to visit me at Christmas of 2002 she mentioned that she was enjoying living alone and we even discussed what it would be like to live apart, divorced, etc. how we'd divide things, etc. but had decided it was just speculation and stayed together. But it's one thing to think that something like this COULD happen, and another one altogether to have it happen.
Over the next couple of months it became apparent that her mind was made up, it was over, and there really wasn't a lot that I could do about it. But I kept asking myself, "So now what? What to do with my life now?"
Well, the first thing that happened was a trip to Indianapolis, IN for the
United States Grand Prix on 28 September 2003. Kerry's sister worked (still does) at an exotic dealership group in Dallas, TX and had been converted to a
Formula 1 fan by her prior boyfriend. She was taking time off from work to go to the USGP and had gotten tickets for Kerry & I. Obviously Kerry wasn't interested in going with me to the race, but I thought, "You know, fuck it, I'm going!" I asked Chris if he wanted to go, since I had the extra ticket, and he basically said the same, "Yeah, sure, fuck it, sounds like fun!" Boy was it ever!!! See photo:
Yes, I took this photo
In Indianapolis I had a GREAT time, the whole environment was intoxicating with visitors from many different countries, different languages being spoken all around me, the weather, the SOUND of F1 cars (V10s ROCK), the smell of burning race fuel, everything. It was better than great! On Saturday night, I think, the day before the race, we all (Chris, Kerry's sister, and I) went downtown to visit a bar that had an "Oktoberfest" patio setup going on. Good food, cheap beer, a real winner. This was the last Grand Prix held in Indianapolis in the month of September, it's since been held in June the last 2 years, so it was a bit cold, but still a lot of fun downtown that night.
At this bar we ran into a guy named Tommy. Tommy also had a profound impact on my life and he probably doesn't even know it. Tommy, it turned out, was an attorney from Scotland. Tommy lived in a 1 bedroom apartment with very little furniture, 1 television, and I'm not sure if he even had a car. Tommy did however spend nearly every free pound he earned traveling all over the world to see "sport". That meant football (soccer) matches in Europe, Formula 1 races all over the globe, tennis matches, etc. He said he worked mainly to fund his traveling and didn't have much time to worry about material possessions. He was alive to have a good time and worked actively at doing so. He was friendly and outgoing, as you'd expect from a solo traveler, and boy could he put a beer down. Better yet, he was anti-Ferrari, the first guy I'd seen with the "No Ferrari" logo t-shirt:
Great guy that Tommy who really got me thinking...about life...
On the way back from Indy, I couldn't stop thinking about Tommy, his way of life, and really decided to try to imitate Tommy's lifestyle. I talked and talked with Chris about what work options existed to allow someone the time to travel like he did, as well as a good enough income to cover traveling expenses. Over 6 hours of conversation (it's a long way from Indy to Omaha) we had some ideas, but nothing that crystallized into anything like a "plan".
That said, I still thought I ought to at least try to see what was out there for work that might accommodate such a lifestyle, all the while continuing to do closings and downsize my "possession inventory".
October, November, December 2003 = I'm at a HUGE life crossroads, so now what?and....realizing I don't want any more of the "American Nightmare" a.k.a. the "American Culture of Dissatisfaction"
I still didn't really know what to do with my life at this point, but I was glad that I had plenty of work as it kept my mind occupied, my days busy, and allowed me time to think and process what had happened over the last few months and what I was going to do over the successive months.
I re-signed up for
http://monster.com, went through the book,
"What Color is Your Parachute?", as well as several other career / job / personality inventories, etc., location preference survey, all trying to get a handle on who I am and what would be best for me to do in the future, and where. I also dabbled in online dating, as well as meeting people through more "traditional" means.
Didn't get much personal satisfaction from any of these things. It just felt weird, strange, wrong if you will, to just try to rebuild, as quickly as possible, a "normal American life" again, especially in Omaha, Nebraska.
For me, it turns out, a sales position, or a hospitality industry job, diplomat, or other position was/is probably best given my personality, my desire to travel, and my preference to work with people.
Given that, I started looking into jobs in Las Vegas, NV, as it's the "hospitality capital of the world", interesting, and with a booming economy, as well as other locations. I also looked into mortgage lender related positions in California and Texas, since those are warm states and if I was going to make a major change, I certainly didn't want to live in the frozen northland any longer.
But a turning point slowly started coming the more I interacted with people in mortgage loan closings, the more I saw of the "American Dream" in those people, on television, in commercials, in stories, and overhearing conversations of other people, the more frustrated and irritated I became with this "American Nightmare".
I really, truly felt sick of my American existence and even more like I was at a very important life crossroads. The kind of magical place that you don't encounter but maybe once or twice in a lifetime, certainly one of this magnitude. I was, for all intents and purposes, FREE. I could do whatever, wherever, whenever I wanted. But it wasn't a matter of "Just Do(ing) It"...it was much more about getting it right.
All this made me realize that the last time I was essentially debt free, with the opportunity to go anywhere and do anything, I was 18 and had just graduated from Central High School in Omaha. Not knowing any better at that time, I was just in a hurry to "get to college, get a degree, and get working, so I could get rich, get retired, and get traveling."
But this time I wanted it to be different. So I wasn't in any hurry, I wanted to be thorough, thoughtful, purposeful in my decision making. It was far more important to me to get it done right than to just get it done.
It was with all this as background that on the 22nd of December, 2003 I composed an email to my good friend, Craig Lower, president of
Inspired Technology Solutions, who I've known since I was six years old. The important part of it is below:
Warning: Start of Rant on a variety of Random, but related topics.... What I'm really thinking about, and actually started taking steps today to make happen, is to move to Europe, London specifically. I don't know how the hell I'm going to do that, but it's got to happen sooner or later. I've been seriously thinking lately that while I'm physically probably in the condition of a 25 year old, I'm feeling my age in terms of not having gotten much accomplished. I've truly come to the conclusion that I've been happy nearly all my life, regardless of money/income, status (real or perceived), occupation, relationship, etc. I've just never really been too down or up about anything, and that's all fine. But I'm slowly losing out on my opportunity to get my life's "to do list" completed. There's just so many places I want to see, to visit, experience, etc., and I haven't gotten to even 10% of them and I'll be 35 years old in July. That's unacceptable. I want to do things, not own things. If I died without a single possession, that would be fantastic. I don't care if I ever own another house, I don't care if I never get rich, I don't care if I'm ever famous, I don't care if anyone ever votes me "man of the year", I just want to make the rest of my life the best it can be for me. I don't believe in an afterlife, or a future life, or a reincarnated life, so I want to enjoy the moment, every moment, from now till I kick it over. I'm doing my best to make sure that happens a really long time from now by taking good care of myself physically, but you just don't know what tomorrow holds. Now I have to focus on my mental health. All I know is that if I end up 70 years old, sitting here in Omaha, NE, and have never really done anything at all, I'll be freaking homicidal. And at that point, who cares if I have to spend some quality time in prison....just kidding. I'm just sick of the American Dream and all the bullshit that goes along with it. I've seen so many people in closings who are trying so hard to compete with their friends, neighbors, family, whomever to BE something. Whatever that is. They've got a ton of credit card debt, drive fancy cars, and have huge houses on acreages out by Bennington, Gretna, etc. For what exactly? Who are they trying to impress? Why does it matter anyway? It's just all a bunch of bullshit. I went to the Creighton game on Saturday with Dr. Engler and listened to these two girls behind me talk about these people they went to school with, their jobs, their incomes, their friends incomes, and all the perceived or desired "success" and it made me want to vomit. I'm sick of wanting things, or thinking that I want things. I'd like to get back the 5-7 years I've spent since law school pursuing that stupid shit. I spent about 3 hours tonight throwing away more shit, and then another hour driving around to various places and giving more away. I'm de-accumulating.
That really was the day that it all got too much for me and when I decided I just didn't want any part of "The American Nightmare" anymore. I didn't have children, so that wasn't a factor, I no longer had a wife, so that wasn't important, I didn't have much in the way of work anymore, since it had slowed down, so that wasn't important. What was important was that I made a change, and quickly, to the path that my life was on at that point.
It seemed to me that so many people just follow a "recipe" for life, especially white Americans. The recipe is, pretty much as I laid out above: "Graduate High School, get into a good college or university, do well, graduate, get a 'good job' (whatever the hell that means), move along in your career, meet a nice person, get married, buy a house (those last two can be reversed), get some pets (usually dogs) as a trial run in the lead up to children, start having kids, raise them, then repeat the same bullshit recipe for them that you just followed."
I really, really, really had had enough. The more television I saw, the sicker it made me. All blatant, rampant commercialism. The same commercialism I felt so strongly when I visited Las Vegas, where everything's for sale, but just seemingly getting stronger and stronger everywhere, not just in "Sin City". No one DID anything real anymore, it seemed everything was just done for appearance's sake. 100% Form over Substance. "Check me out, aren't I cool/fashionable/sexy/hip/_________ because I wear / have / drive _________?" Again, all bullshit. As soon as someone had an original take on things, or an original style (for example see Jesse James from "Monster Garage") it all became (becomes) a fucking twisted abortion of the original concept through the slick, mass-market commercialism that gets promoted, promoted, and promoted until you're so sick of it you just want to hurl. Think Jesse James's Monster Garage, then Orange County Choppers, now Texas Hardtails now on Speed, in the "custom choppers" vein. Or, for another example, Chris Moneymaker, an amateur, wins the
World Series of Poker in 2003, but this time it's on ESPN where millions of jackasses are watching. Jesus, within the span of about 2 months it seems that every single person in the country became a "professional poker player". Say what? Seriously? You are kidding, right? Oh no they're not kidding and right now there are "Texas Hold 'Em" chip and card kits being sold in Wal-Mart and contests being held at every stupid sports bar in the country. Seriously it's just fucking ridiculous! Somebody, somewhere needs to point this out in a louder voice than I can, but I'm at least going to throw my $0.02 in as well.
As a perfect example of the emphasis on form over substance, read this article, which details how consumers in the UK are forgoing better tasting fruits and vegetables because supermarkets won't stock "ugly fruit". Unbelievable!!
http://newsvote.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/magazine/4326444.stm?dynamic_vote=ON#vote_4326444Anyway, a little later the same week as my email to Craig, around Christmas or so of 2003, I was headed over to Dr. Engler's house (the father of a friend of mine from Creighton University, who later became a good friend of mine too) for Christmas dinner. Time at the Engler's house is always just a great experience of dinner, socialization, talking about various topics, and general merriment. When I got there, Chris & Melissa had just arrived, and I, off handedly, told them, "You know, I think I'm just going to sell the rest of my shit, do an 'around the world' trip, then try to figure out what the hell I'm going to do with the rest of my life." Chris didn't really, I think, at first understand what I was talking about, but I explained to him that I'd worked with a guy in New York, at
Lehman Brothers, whose parents bought him an "around the world" ticket as a university graduation present. In my then present emotional state, that started sounding pretty good to me, since I obviously needed to get the hell out of Nebraska and had absolutely ZERO idea of what I was going to do from there.
Now, if you don't know Chris, and most of you don't, then you don't know that he's probably the single most anal retentive person I know, and boy do I know a few, so that's pretty impressive. I just barely uttered the statement about the RTW trip idea, and the next thing I know he's sending me an email with a link to this page:
http://www.travel-library.com/rtw/html/faq.htmlThis was, at the time, a very comprehensive guide, to many different ideas/topics/thoughts on around the world travel, that were/are very good. Better yet, it was available for download as a single text file. It was huge when printed, at something like 114 pages of legal size paper, but it was FAR easier to read that way.
I got a lot of that read that night, then boy was the research on.
Shortly afterward I decided to accelerate the liquidation of my inventory of ridiculously stupid shit possessions (which everyone has, but seems to still need to add to), earn as much money as possible in as short a time as possible, then try to get the hell out of Dodge (or in this case Douglas County, Nebraska). To that end, I started, in earnest, my
Ebay sales career.
I sold everything, it seemed, that had at one time mattered (a LOT) to me. Nice, quality SONY televisions, cherry hardwood bedroom furniture, the single greatest mattress I'd ever owned, my $4,200 WATER SOFTENER for Chrissakes!!!!, dining room tables (yes, more than 1), beds, dressers, and bookshelves, DirecTV receivers, computers (at one time I had 4 in my house including 2 servers!!), computer and networking equipment, my Johnston & Murphy shoe collection, etc., etc., etc. It was ridiculous, but the more I sold, the better I felt. The less possessions I had, the less shit I had to worry about, which in turn made life easier. It's amazing how good you feel when you're not worried about "protecting" your stuff.
Think about all those people you know, maybe you're one of them, who has a room in their house full of stuff that NO ONE USES, and NO ONE CAN TOUCH, but for some reason still exists and is still "important" to them. I call them the "museum rooms". Often filled with "collectibles" aka "stupid little figurines that only 400 people out of a population of 300 million in the US actually gives a shit about!" A conversation with one of those people about the room usually goes like this:
Me: "WOW, can I go in there? Just to take a look around?"
Them: "Sure sweetie, just take off your shoes, stay on the marked path, and for god sakes DON'T TOUCH ANYTHING!"
Me: "Uh, never mind."
I returned to doing mortgage loans for a living, which paid a little better per transaction, but had far more work involved than just doing the closings, and I paid off what little debt I still had, except for student loans and my car loan. Amazing how fast your money adds up when you're not blowing it on every stupid little thing you see in the mall, Compusa, or in the case of Omaha, the Nebraska Furniture Mart.
What seemed most strange to me, as I de-accumulated, was that all of this really was counter to American culture. American culture, as it stands, is primarily about competition. We love to compete, in everything. Better yet, we love keeping score, and there's no better or easier way to tell the score of life than by looking at someone's bank account. Since this is obviously difficult, you typically use a proxy for their bank account, and that's usually 1) their car, and/or 2) their house with all its furnishings. The message was (shit: IS) "live large", or as Chris told me his former stockbroker co-workers at Morgan Stanley used to say, "Fake it till you make it!", meaning live like you're rich (i.e. via credit), until you actually are. My favorite so far has to be the title to a 50cent album, "Get Rich or Die Trying!" Yes people, this is what America has become. A win at all costs approach to the American Dream game called "The Pointless Acquisition of Stupid Shit, fueled by credit". Sadly, we're not alone, the
Brits have joined us!!!
For more
go here. And
here. And
here. And
here. Here's someone trying to put a
positive spin on it.
My favorite is how a lot of people I knew incorporated a person's perceived wealth into the discussion when describing that person's intelligence, as though somehow their being rich is the equivalent to their being smart. They usually say something along the lines of, "Well he lives in an 8,000 square foot house in X neighborhood and drives a new Porsche, so (obviously) they're a genius!" To which I reply, "Oh really?" How about their being rich probably being a better proxy for a person's greediness rather than their intelligence? With the recent spectacular robberies perpetrated by white collar corporate America, I'd say that's a more accurate observation. (See
Enron,
Adelphia,
Tyco,
WorldCom, et al. as examples)
Now many people have told me I exaggerate how bad this situation is, that not everyone operates this way, that I happened to be acquainted with a group of people who were probably more oriented in this way than most Americans, and maybe that's all true, I don't honestly know. It is a very small statistical sample, but I think anecdotal evidence I've accumulated over 35 years in this culture is pretty overwhelming. Just the other day, I saw an Oprah show where an obviously beautiful young woman had had 26 different plastic surgeries to try to be "more beautiful". Seriously? What the hell is wrong with us? Oprah said, and rightfully so, "This is an indication of where we are people, as a society." You can't be too beautiful, or too rich, and certainly you can't be satisfied!
Now at this point, I don't think Chris was quite on board with me, in terms of where I was mentally in this whole situation, but he was also very, very unsatisfied with his life, the existence he'd crafted for himself. He too was seeing how ridiculous it all was/is and was also pretty well sick of it all too.
Then, he made a post on a bulletin board somewhere about what we were thinking, in terms of a round the world trip and some of our observations on America and how absolutely, stupidly ridiculous it had all become, when a guy responds with this: "You guys really need to read
Affluenza!" What the hell is that, we wondered? Well, it's a book, and yes, it's a must read. It essentially details how we're making ourselves ill with all the rampant consumerism of modern-day America. How we now work more hours on average than ever before, but never "have the time" or better yet TAKE THE TIME to spend with our kids, our wives, our family, our friends, or anyone else that matters because we're so busy working so we can acquire MORE useless shit that we just don't need so we can compete with people we don't like in a competition that can't be won anyway because there's always something newer, better, fancier, faster, with more features and better resolution, that'll make you more alluring and more attractive to the opposite sex, that'll keep you up longer, have more energy, lose weight, etc., etc., etc.
Better yet, the book details the fairly high toll that all this takes not only on our bodies and minds, but on the environment too, as our consumer world has become "throw away". Take as an example a printer for your computer. We used to repair those when they broke down. Now they're so cheap we just throw them away and buy new ones. Gotta love the benefits of modern manufacturing and cost cutting methods. We can just continue to engorge our landfills at a record pace, all the while releasing TONS of toxins into the ground, water, and air!!! Yeah baby! Makes me proud to be an American! (Sarcasm very much intended!) It's no wonder we're so hated around the globe, just look at what we promote as a way of life. Don't ever build anything of quality, don't repair or reinvest in anything, just use everything up, toss it in the trash, and get another one!!! But ABOVE ALL be a good consumer. Be sure to go out to the mall and buy new clothes to replace ones that are perfectly fine, and would be for several more years, just because they're not in fashion any longer, new furniture (of generally poor quality) to replace that which doesn't need replacing, jewelry to make you sexier, cars to impress your friends and neighbors, and on and on and on....
Even worse, our throwaway lifestyle has now expanded to include relationships. The message seems to be: "So you say you don't like that dried up, old, opinionated, wrinkled windbag you're married to? No problem, either send 'em to the plastic surgeon (to fix 'em up) or divorce 'em (throw them away) and either way you'll GET YOURSELF A NEW ONE!!!" The obvious conclusion being that we don't FIX anything. We just tear things down and rebuild. Or, better yet, throw away and reacquire. Uh, how about building something, anything right the first time? How about working hard to build, or to move toward building, a solid, healthy relationship with your significant other? How about spending QUALITY TIME with those you care about to foster healthy relationships? What the hell is so goddamn important about that fucking job anyway? Oh yeah, you're enslaved to it because you have to make the minimums on your credit card payments (probably 6-7), your house payment, your 2-3 car payments, motorcycle payments, boat payments, watercraft payments, department store payments, furniture store payments, etc. Not to mention regular bills like gas, electricity, food, etc. Sorry, I forgot about those...
One of the best lines in
Affluenza came from the authors when they said, "It's as though we've forgotten what an economy (you could put here job) is for anyway." And it's true. A job should be to provide, first and foremost, a means of survival. Food, clothing, shelter. Then a sense of personal satisfaction in a job well done. For me at least, it's not, and shouldn't be, a reflection of who I am or my value as a human being. It's not an end in and of itself. Rather than just going through the motions and getting caught up in this endless consumer spending competition that's unwinnable at its core, unhealthy in the extreme, and ultimately deadly to ourselves and the environment, we need to start focusing on asking the question, "WHY?" The simplest and yet most important question of all. Why? Why do you need these things? Why do you go to work day after day after day and toil hour after hour after hour. Is it really to just go to the mall and spend money? Why do we shop (i.e. just go out to spend money or plastic money anyway) as a cure for our perceived boredom? What ultimate awe inspiring goal is it that most of us are working toward when we head to the office? I'd say that hardly anyone asks this question because they're afraid of the true, sad answer, "There is no real good reason. I just work to pay my bills."
America: The Culture of Dissatisfaction
I came up with the phrase "Culture of Dissatisfaction" to describe modern day America after assimilating all of this information. We live in a society where we're NEVER, EVER allowed to be satisfied. You're never allowed to sit at the top of whatever mountain or molehill you've scaled, look around you, take in big breath of (hopefully) fresh air, and say, "Damn, this feels great!!! I feel good with where I'm at!" Nope, the first question to the victors of any sporting event championship is, "That's great, do you think you can do it again next year?" or to the losers, "Well you were 2nd best, which is the first loser, so what can you do to reach the top next season?" Sports are just an easy, convenient example, but it pervades every aspect of our lives here in the grand ol' US of A. You're a junior sales executive, you need to be executive; you're vice president, you need to be president; you drive an older, solid automobile that's in very good condition and gives you absolutely no trouble at all (better yet, it's PAID FOR!!!) and you absolutely MUST get rid of that old junker and "relentlessly pursue a lease payment of $599, with a first payment of $4,250, plus security deposit, acquisition fee, etc. for the next 59 months..."; you live in a nice, modest 2 or 3 bedroom home in an older neighborhood, but you without question NEED to be in a 5 bedroom, 3 bath monstrosity in the "chic" part of town; you have a nice, attractive person you live or spend time with, but you NEED someone better, a "supermodel" so you can "appear" to have it all... And that's really the problem, it's all fake, it's all appearances, it's all smoke and mirrors designed to make us feel insecure, inferior, inadequate, an illusion created by those who market and sell goods and services, to provoke us to FEEL WE NEED, that's right, we "need" to go out and spend our hard earned money in order to make us FEEL BETTER and APPEAR BETTER than we really are, when in truth we're all fine just as we are. Worse yet, you're pushed to FINANCE this lifestyle through credit (maxed out credit cards, 2nd and 3rd mortgages, auto loans for more than the value of the car, etc.), which in turn enslaves you to work you hate in order to just pay the minimum payments on all this crap that you just had to have, but in truth NEVER REALLY NEEDED!!! (emphasis mine).
A related issue is the "family" issue. I remember one time being interviewed by a managing director for one of the Asian branches of Lehman Brothers, where there was a really nice job opening and for which I was the top candidate. After the interview I asked my boss, "Why was Mr. X so fascinated with my personal life. He must've asked me 4 times, "Are you going to marry your girlfriend? What about kids? Planning on those soon?" He told me, "Don't ever tell anyone I told you this, but the reason is an issue of control. If you have a family, a wife, kids, etc. They know that you NEED your job and therefore they can demand more of you by using your family as leverage to get you to do what they want you to do. It's that simple." I was fucking stunned, speechless, jaw agape!! I had no idea that could have even been a possibility. Nice system we've got going on here folks, real nice.
Deep breath...okay...continuing on...
I always used to say, "Damn, if I just was rich, I could do any damn thing I wanted." But I've learned that the reverse can also be true because now I think, "If I have no debt, I can do any damn thing I want." No debt equals nothing handcuffing me to a job I hate. It leaves me free to do almost anything. And freedom, real freedom, is very, very, very important to me.
As an aside here, you really should read this page:
Customer Reviews of Affluenza at amazon.com, they're great, and not too surprisingly, there's a lot of people out there who feel like I felt, now if we can just get us all together to do something about it!
So, after reading that book, and being fairly well sickened on top of being already being sickened, Chris realized he needed to, if nothing else, streamline his life and "stop the insanity" of product acquisition. Problem was he also nearing the end of a very wicked divorce with the ultimate consumer of stupid shit, his ex-wife. He was just moving back into his house, after she'd moved out with most of the stupid shit they'd acquired during their time together. But one of the things he was getting back was a very nice, first or second generation big screen TV, a Pioneer Elite something or other. Great picture, plus he had a really nice home theater setup with great speakers and a newly acquired receiver for the digital signal output.
To reacquaint himself with his fantastic television, he and Melissa had gone to Nebraska Furniture Mart and purchased "theater seats", reclining seats, with drink holders, a small table thing between them, very nice. Problem was the 30 day return window for the theater seats was damn near ready to close, only a day or two remained to decide, and Chris was now in a quandary as to what to do about the seats. In a way, he wanted to keep them since he JUST was getting back into the house and really looking forward to enjoying his home theater setup, but at the same time he felt if he kept the chairs he'd just be continuing the never ending cycle of buy shit, buy shit, buy shit. I remember telling him, "Look dude, do what you want, but if you return those seats, Melissa's gonna freak! And I'm not going to be responsible for that. That being said, if you're going to do it at all, and get back your $1,125 or so, you'd better make up your mind sooner rather than later."
He returned them, rather called NFM and had the seats picked up, and yes, Melissa freaked.
The short version of "the rest of the story" is that I participated in a lot of garage sales to rid myself of unneeded material possession baggage, purchased a motorcycle and other traveling gear, got my vaccinations and other medical stuff taken care of, and set out on this journey last November to see the world before it all becomes a strip mall of neon lights, fast food joints, department stores, and tanning salons.
